Women I Adore

Writing about my ladies also means writing about my mum, and unlike my other ladies, I do not have photos to show you how my mother, Cleopatra, dressed. Writing about Cleo is sensitive because we do not have a relationship, but I couldn’t write about the women who have influenced my way of dressing without including her because it started with her. 

Cleopatra (Mum)

I didn’t realize the privilege of having a well-dressed mum until I started my career in fashion. I am keenly aware of how my mum’s style influenced my current job, but I was unaware of how rare it is that my mum significantly influenced how I dress until I began writing about it. 

I developed my love for shoes from Cleo, who had rows and rows of shoes that didn’t seem like many until I saw Carrie’s shoe collection in SATC. Some of Cleo’s shoes were main characters featured in most of her outfits, but the majority made supporting and guest appearances for special occasions. Cleo had all the shades of blue, gold, red — every color you could imagine. She’d spend hours at the mall looking if she didn’t have the perfect shoes in her preferred shade. If you’ve ever been around stylish Nigerian women, you’d know this wasn’t unusual; it is our way of life.

I do not have nearly the same quantity of shoes my mum or Carrie have, but the only category I didn’t purge as much as the others were my shoe collection because one thing I know is how to buy the right kind of shoes. I have mostly expanded my shoe closet because I believe you can never have too many. I believe in buying shoes before you need them; that’s what Cleo taught me. 

Tina Turner

Tina Turner is inarguably one of the sexiest people we’ve witnessed in this realm. Being sexy isn’t just about sex appeal or physical appearance. It is also a way of being with yourself and others. It’s about knowing your power, controlling it, and using it intentionally and fairly. 

Growing up Pentecostal Christian with a Muslim stepfather was a confusing experience. Before we moved to the States, my mum bought us mini skirts, and to the horror of my Sunday school teachers, we even wore them to church. My grandmother did not believe in “modesty,” and we wore whatever we wanted. After we moved, things changed, and I understood that this newly imposed modesty resulted from my mum compromising with her conservative husband. I was resentful. 

When I moved out after my stepfather passed away 11 years ago, I slowly incorporated mini leather skirts into my wardrobe. I wore the same combination of a button-down and a mini leather skirt until after my son’s first birthday. And while I felt comfortable in my clothes, I didn’t feel in my body because I occasionally felt I was transgressing. 

I don’t remember the switch to sheer clothes and the skimpiest dress I could find, but Tina Turner was a significant influence. Tina exuded sexiness in her music, fluidity, energy, and deep, identifiable, raspy voice on stage. I do not think I could pull off her signature hairstyle, but its essence is what I think of when I want a new hairstyle. In this People article, Tina’s stylist talks about how Tina sewed some of her wigs or added “a little fabulousness” after receiving them back from the hairstylist. This reveal was the least surprising because every woman I adore was/is meticulous about every aspect of their look, especially their hair. 

Tina’s wigs looked personal. If you aren’t a black woman or someone who wears wigs, you can tell the generic kinds that most people wear as is after buying from customized ones. She experimented with variations of the same style, and my favorite was a short, softer silhouette with soft feathered waves and the curly swoop at the nape of her neck (PIC 2 BELOW). It suited her on and off-stage ensembles. Like Tina, most stylish people have a preference and understand that hair is an integral part of every outfit. 

Tina’s name was synonymous with mini dresses featuring exquisitely toned legs. And while there are many iconic Tina outfits, photos of her in a poet-sleeve white button-down, blue jeans, and a black belt are what I return to (PIC 3 BELOW). It is simple, yet most of us have yet to perfect this look without looking derivative. 

Tracee Ellis Ross

There is something commanding about choosing to be referred to by your full name. In “Mean Girls,” Regina George is referred to by her full name by non-friends or family, which communicates the power of this character. Recently, while watching the new RHONY, I noticed that the rest of the cast refers to Jenna Lyons by her full name, and it’s funnier when adults do it because it highlights who the “it girl” is. Tracee Ellis Ross is an “it girl.”

In Nigeria, we say “Money miss road” about people who have the means and yet choose the ugliest things they can find. TER is one of the few people who have never felt this emotion: a famine of beauty. She loves drama; she is extravagant without being obnoxious. Because of TER, I am convinced that gold knee-high boots are a must-have wardrobe item because she unobtrusively wears them. Most of what she wears is easily identifiable, but you can also tell she bought what she liked. Unlike her peers, who look like they have no say in what their stylists put them in *coughs*, Margot Robbie is involved in the work of getting dressed. 

Many people claim to love clothes, but it isn’t evident in what they choose to wear and how they wear them. TER’s love is evident in how she talks about clothes — she’s mentioned her mum and her early days in modeling as an influence on her style — and how she dresses. One of her most recent IG posts is a video of her properly washing her favorite Prada dress and lingerie she recently bought while gushing about her love for everything she owns. ( It is delightful! Watch it!)

Dressing like TER requires money, thoughtfulness, an understanding of balance, color theory, and proportions, and confidence in what silhouettes she prefers. Her money and access allow her to choose the best of everything, but that isn’t why she dresses well. TER has many advantages, but I do not focus on her access or the individual items as her awareness of herself; she doesn’t take it all too seriously. I think of this outfit she wore to the Met Gala in 2021 that I initially hated but can now appreciate. The hair threw me off because it was avant-garde; I didn’t understand it. While contrived, it was an homage to her mum’s iconic role in Harmony 1971 and was exciting and playful. On Met Gala night, Twitter users pointed out that her hair resembled Edna Mode’s, and by the end of the night, she’d posted close-up photos of her hair and a photo of Edna Mode with the caption, “EDNA APPROVED.”

All of the women I adore have an awareness of self in common. With practice, I am learning to fill my shoes and take up space without imposing or stealing it from others. It’s sexy.

Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy

I do not come from a culture that believes in simplicity, so I had to learn it from somewhere. I oscillate between wanting a sequined dress and metallic shoes and wearing the same button-down with jeans and simple sandals. I learned simplicity from my mum Cleo and then CBK. 

A critical part of dressing well is dressing appropriately for the occasions your lifestyle requires. Cleo dressed differently for church, work, parties, and running errands. At a  Nigerian wedding party, she adorned her wrists with multiple bracelets and the heftiest costume necklace she could find in her collection because it was what the occasion demanded. But if she were going to the 30th wedding anniversary of her friends, she’d opt for a simple gold bracelet, some gold rings, and earrings if she wasn’t wearing a necklace. Cleo taught me how to choose and wear jewelry appropriate for every neckline.

CBK was a publicist for Calvin Klein, and her style was the epitome of what the Calvin Klein brand embodied: classic and long-lined silhouettes, sharp tailoring, minimal accessories, and no makeup makeup. We don’t know much about CBK, who died at 33. The public has anthropologically pieced together who she might have been through her esoteric style choices. 

She favored Yohji Yamamoto and Commes des Garçon, which she balanced with Prada, Ann Demueleemester, and Miu Miu. CBK rarely wore jewelry; when she did, she knew less was enough. I believe that her understated way of dressing had a bit to do with who she was and public perception, and while most of her clothes were simple, they were never lacking— especially her evening looks. 

After her marriage to JFK Jr. in 1996, her necklines went up— a departure from the slinkier silhouettes she wore. Some of my favorite outfits were from this time. At a Whitney benefit in 1999, she wore a Yohji Yamamoto men’s button-down shirt with a long black skirt from the women’s line from that year which was a cerebral nod to Sharon’s Gap button-down and satin skirt Oscar 1999 look. I have referenced that outfit many times in this newsletter. 

At a time when other stylish counterparts like Princess Diana were sporting recognizable designer names like Versace and Dior, Carolyn gravitated to the more understated but sharp tailoring of Yohji and Prada because she knew what she liked.